Route J-1

By Sonija Luzi, J-1 Research Scholar from Italy

When a baby is born, a mother is born. This doesn’t necessarily happen to fathers. When we found out we were expecting, we were overjoyed. I was dreaming of a little girl to dress in pink tutus and go to the spa with. My husband was more of the idea of an exuberant boy and their soccer games together, their monster fights, snails and lizard and slime… eww green slime!

Without noticing it, we were already caught in gender stereotypes, where girls dress in pink and practice ballet and boys go search for snails and play soccer.

When the baby was finally in our arms, we welcomed the most adorable little girl. I was ecstatic! My husband was very happy, but somehow, this new role of father of a girl weighted a little more on his shoulders. He didn’t feel the same complicity and connection he was expecting. He was the father of a girl, he needed to protect her and eventually worry about miniskirts and makeup.

Sonija’s and Jorge’s daughter bugs out.

The first year and a half was made of pretty outfits and pink hair bows, actually more like pink everything. But as our little princess grew up, the bond with her dad grew day by day. She quite clearly stated that he was her “favorite person in the whole world” and that she just simply didn’t like pink. A few days of panic later, I realized that girls are not born with colors and ballerina tutus in their minds, these are imposed cultural stereotypes. This may seem over-simplistic, but stereotypes are acquired at a very young age and ultimately dig much deeper. We teach our girls to be gentle and cute and this will play a big role in their lives, even in career choice.

As the bond with her dad started to grow stronger, he became the role model: mighty (in her eyes), active, and exuberant. They started to search for insects and fight monsters because there is nothing a little girl can’t do, including wearing any color of the rainbow while dreaming of driving a big car (yes, this is now her top priority at 4 years of age: we are in trouble!).

She chose to enroll in a dance academy as well as play soccer. We all cheer at every pirouette and at every goal scored. Daddy now also enjoys sessions of makeup, nail spa, and doll cuddling. I guess gender stereotypes are a long lost memory in our family.

Jorge enjoys some soccer with his daughter.

My husband is part of a new generation of fathers who are quite happy to participate in family life. Their role is essential to the development of little girls. They are positive role models.

They know that if they teach their girls to be strong and love themselves – if they teach them that society will like their ideas – they ultimately won’t need to worry about miniskirts. The only thing these girls will want to show off will be their strength and intelligence.

These dads are raising a whole new generation of girls who will be the women in power 20 years from now. By looking for insects and fighting monsters, they are teaching their little girls that there is nothing girls should be scared of. There is no such thing as a boy or a girl activity; there is no fear in chasing dreams. On doing home chores, participating in school life and makeup sessions, they are teaching gender equality – one of the biggest challenges nowadays.

We hold the power to change society for the best, and this is thanks to our new SUPER DADS.

With a pink tea cup in one hand, and a lizard in the other, they are defying all expectations – and helping make the world a better place. Oh, and our SUPER GIRL loves green slime!

This story supports the State Department’s #DadsAndDaughters campaign, a global conversation that shows how dads and daughters buck stereotypes, change cultural attitudes, and support each other by advancing gender equality.

Categories: Program Spotlight